“My old clothes don’t fit me like they once did, so they hang like ghosts of the people I’ve been.”

I’ve listened to ‘You Can Do Better Than Me’ by Death Cab for Cutie a hundred times or more, but I really heard the lyric from my title for the first time today.

I see clothes as an extension of people’s selves. Although I’m a designer, I’m not into fashion. I don’t wear or follow trends.

My closet is full of my old clothes, just piled up there looking sad. Some of them I’ll never wear again, but they hang there like ghosts. I don’t want to throw them out or give them to charity or even sell them. I always say that I get emotionally attached to inanimate objects or that they hold too many memories that it’s too upsetting to throw them out… both of which are true, but they also represent the person.. the people, I used to be. I guess it’s hard to let go of the past, especially when you feel like you’re going to lose part of yourself.
But when that part of you is something dark and twisty, something you never want to be again, it’s OK to let it go, right?

All these things are holding me back from being the person I want to be and I cling to them like a fool. Like I’m holding on to my mother’s apron strings. And I don’t know why.

I’m really unhappy with the way I look in today’s outfit post. I’m really unhappy with my body shape on the whole at the moment; I’m working too hard and eating all the wrong things. But I guess if this is what it takes to get myself through at the moment, then so be it. I have to learn to love myself, and until then at least I can be in love with my new cardigan ;) It’s so different to what I’d normally wear than it makes me feel liberated. I love that a piece of clothing can make me feel like that, y’know? There’s so much more to clothing than trends.

Tribal Cardigan | Zara (Current Season)
Oversized T-Shirt | H&M
Woven Belt | Dorothy Perkins
Flared Jeans | GAP
Brown Boots | New Look
Photography by Boyfriend

x xx

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